How to cope with stress: advice from one of our therapists

It’s completely normal to sometimes feel stressed and we can all experience it in different ways throughout our lives. Some people need a little stress to motivate them, while others can start to feel overwhelmed by it very quickly.

It becomes an issue if it starts to get in the way of our daily lives or impacts our ability to do the things we want or need to do. If feeling stressed stops you from spending time with your friends and family, or means you can’t do your schoolwork, you might need a little extra support. If it feels like you’re getting overwhelmed with stress, there are things you can do to help yourself cope better.

Firstly, start to recognise your own signs and symptoms of stress; learn about how it feels in your body.

Are you holding tension in your body causing muscle aches and pains, headaches or a sore stomach? Are you struggling to sleep, feeling tired all the time or do you feel run down , frequently feeling ill with coughs and colds or mouth ulcers?

Do you experience physical symptoms of anxiety such as a faster than normal heartbeat or is your breathing fast or shallow?

All of this happens because when we’re stressed, our body goes into a fight, flight or freeze mode. This is helpful if we are faced with a life-or-death situation but not so helpful when dealing with exams or coursework deadlines. If we recognise these body symptoms, we can tell ourselves  “its ok, you’re stressed but you’re safe and it will pass” and take some slow, deep breaths. This helps the brain realise we don’t need to fight or run away and will help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

What’s going through your mind when you are feeling stressed? Are you assuming you can’t cope or it’s too difficult and you will fail? These are examples of negative thoughts. Negative thoughts are like having our own personal brand of bully living inside our head who tells us we’re no good, we’ll probably fail, and that the worst possible outcome is going to happen at any moment. We call these ‘catastrophising thoughts’ and they’re not helpful when you’re already under pressure and feeling stressed.

When you're feeling stressed, it’s important to pay attention to how you're talking to yourself. Don’t bully yourself. Instead, speak to yourself like a best friend, someone who cheers you on, telling you that you’re amazing. You can start to develop your inner cheerleader by questioning your negative thoughts - how true is it? Have there been times in the past where you told yourself you can’t do something, but then you did it? If you did it before, you can do it again!

Some things are easier said than done, but with the right approach, they can start to feel less overwhelming over time. Breaking things down into small manageable chunks can help. Try to problem solve rather than spending time focusing on things you can’t do anything about. Try breaking it down into:

• things I can do right now
• things I can do tomorrow with support
• things I need someone else to do

Making a list of people who might be able to support you can help you feel less alone with your stress. Talking to trusted adults and letting them know how you’re feeling can mean they can start to help before stress overwhelms you. They can’t help you if they don’t know you need it.

Self-care is really important when life is stressful. If you don’t give yourself down time to rest and do fun things you enjoy, your mood can quickly be affected. Eating well, exercising, getting outside in the fresh air and getting good sleep all help us to cope better with stressful times. A good sleep routine gives our bodies the best chance of managing stress and helps us feel safe and balanced. Mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation ​​​and grounding techniques are also known to improve people’s sleep.

If I’m feeling stressed and struggling to sleep this is what I do. Something different might work for you so don’t put pressure on yourself. We all have to find what works for us.

1. I write a list of what I need to do the next day to help clear it out of my mind
2. Then get in a comfortable position in bed and take a slow deep breath in for a count of 4 (saying in, 2, 3, 4) and then slow breath out (saying out, 2, 3, 4) and repeat.

When you breathe out, you imagine your body sinking deeper into your mattress and feeling more and more relaxed as you breathe out. It’s tricky to think thoughts when you’re counting your breath in and out, so I find it a really helpful technique to use to clear and calm my mind.

• Is it exams making you feel stressed? Read five tips on coping with exam stress from a mental health expert
• WeheartCBT has some great resources to help younger children cope with stress, even if you’re older some of the techniques might work for you
• Young Minds' bloggers and Activists have advice if stress is making it hard for you to sleep
• If you need a bit of help with self-care and looking after your emotional health to make life’s challenges less overwhelming, The Mix’s resources might be useful
• We run mental health services across the country. If you feel like you need more support, there may be one near you that you can access. Find a mental health service near you.
• Childline also have resources if you’re feeling overwhelmed. You can also contact them if you need to talk to someone