Whether you’re single, married or in a civil partnership. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or identify in a different way as part of the part of the LGBT+ community, if you’re hoping to start or grow your family, we’re looking for amazing adopters like you.
We’ve been supporting LGBT+ people to adopt for nearly thirty years. To help you decide if adoption is right for you, we asked a few people from the community who’ve adopted through us, what they would like to share about their experiences.
Here’s five things LGBT+ adopters would like you to know about their experiences
The most rewarding aspect of adopting as a gay man is being treated like any other potential adopter, without any emphasis on being gay or different. Training and support sessions include people from all backgrounds, focusing on providing loving and safe homes for children in need.
Bobby
Adopted two siblings aged five and three with husband Lee
Adoption means taking full legal and parental responsibility for a child. It’s a big commitment that changes a child’s life, and yours, forever. We think that if you’re able to offer a loving and stable home to a child who needs it, your sexuality or gender identity shouldn’t be a barrier.
Since 2007 it’s been unlawful for providers of services, including fostering and adoption services, to discriminate against people because of their sexual orientation in England, Scotland and Wales. In Northern Ireland same-sex couples were allowed to adopt in 2012. This means all adoption agencies should welcome you getting in touch. You can make initial enquiries to as many agencies as you wish before deciding which one is the right fit for you. We’d love you to consider us as one of your options. Get in touch with us about adoption and we can chat about the support we can offer you.
2. It can be emotionally challenging
The process of applying to be an adopter and waiting to be matched can be hard going whatever your background. “The process itself was tough, there were numerous times I felt like we would never get there. The questions were in-depth and soul-searching. It did help prepare us though, for conversations [we] would never have discussed before the children came along. It helped us to be more united when the children did arrive”, says Rhea who, with wife Anya, adopted through us. Learn more about Anya and Rhea's experience of adoption.
If you’re a member of the LGBT+ community, you might find you have other emotions you need to work through. Five years ago, Bobby and Lee adopted two siblings, then aged five and three, through us. Bobby grew up at a time when significant strides in LGBT+ rights were being made. As a result, he found it easy to imagine becoming a parent without facing significant barriers. By contrast his husband Lee, who is ten years older, had a different experience growing up and experienced more challenges coming out. He felt the idea of building a family might be unrealistic, or even impossible. He worked through this with Bobby but also with support from professionals.
Bobby says, “Our social worker suggested Lee get counselling. Initially doubtful, we dismissed the idea, but as time passed, Lee began to see the value in processing old wounds. The sessions delved deep into childhood experiences, bringing up emotions and triggers that had been buried for years. This healing journey, though challenging, was essential for both of us to build a strong foundation for our future family.”
We’re all different and the adoption process can bring up a lot of emotions for everyone. But we’ll be there to support you throughout.
Listen to Bobby and Lee talk about their journey to adoption
Hear Bobby and Lee talk about navigating the application process and embracing the chaos that came with welcoming their two sons during lockdown. You can listen to it here, or search "Barnardo's fostering and adoption" wherever you listen to podcasts.
3. You can adopt if you’re single
You don’t need to be in a relationship to adopt whether you’re gay or straight. We want adopters who can provide a stable, loving home where a child, or children, can thrive and you can do that whether or not you’ve got a significant other. It is important that you do have a wider support network (see the fifth point on this list), but that’s the case whatever your relationship status.
4. It can take time to find your child(ren)
We know that the adoption process can sometimes feel overwhelming and intrusive, but it’s really important it’s thorough so we place children in safe and loving homes. Once you are approved to adopt, the family finding part of the process begins - this is where you can find out information about children in need of adoption and see if they might be a suitable match for you. Lots of our adopters tells us that this can be the hardest part of the process. As Bobby told us, “Although the first two stages were tough, family finding was the most emotionally challenging. We made a LinkMaker* video and browsed profiles of children needing homes. It felt heartless to skip profiles that didn't match our needs. The process became even more intense as we immersed ourselves in the various stories and backgrounds of these children, each one deserving of a loving home.”
But you won’t be alone through this. We’ll be there to support you throughout. As Sue, who is adoptive Mum to Frankie, said of her experience, “They [Barnardo’s] were really supportive of me through the family finding bit, which is hard. They keep you going at those moments where you sort of feel like it’s ground to a halt. I would often phone my family finder and ask if I was doing the right thing, and she would talk me down.”
5. You’ll need support
You’ve probably heard the cliché that it takes a village to raise a child. If you’ve got a support network, we’ll help you get them primed so they are best placed to support you. As Bobby explains, “After we were approved as adopters, our social worker recommended a meeting with the wider family to explain the adoption process and the support required from them during the process and placement. This allowed the family to ask questions and gain an understanding of what to expect.”
Our network will also be there for you. Our colleagues will be there to guide you throughout, explaining what will happen and supporting you when things get tough. If your child is currently being fostered, we’ll work with you and the foster carers to make sure the transition to your care is as smooth and enjoyable as possible. As James who adopted a two-year-old with his husband Michael, says “Our favourite memory since we started our adoption journey is finding our little boy and then getting to know him and spend time with him and his foster carer. We’ve also continued to have support from them alongside our own extended family and Barnardo’s”. Find out more about how foster carers help prepare children for adoption.
As part of the training process, you’ll get to spend time with other people in the same boat as you so you can share experiences before, and after you welcome a child into your home. “You’ll meet diverse prospective parents, including single parents, heterosexual couples, and other LGBTQ+ individuals or couples”, says Lee.
We’re members of the New Family Social network, the UK’s peer support network for adopters and foster carers who are LGBT+. This means you’ll have access to dedicated online forums and a wealth of events held across the country, some for all the family and some are for the parents only.
Talk to us about adoption
We want every child to have a place they feel they can belong. And if you’re interested in being the person to give a child a place to call home and a family of their own, we’d love to talk to you. You can speak to us without making any formal commitments and ask us any questions you may have.
What happens when you apply to adopt?
Welcoming a child or young person into your life is an incredible thing to do, and a big decision to make. We'll make sure you have the information you need to work out if it's right for you and where you are in your life, and what you can expect from the application process.
Zoe and Cheryl share what it’s like to foster to adopt
Read how baby Charlie found a loving home with Cheryl and Zoe through Fostering for Adoption. Find out how they found the process and what it’s like being Mums to an energetic now four-year-old.
How do you know it’s the right time to adopt?
We know that lots of people are interested in adoption but aren’t sure when is the right time to start the process. To help you decide, we talked to parents who’ve adopted and experts from Barnardo’s and asked them how you can tell when it’s the right time to adopt.
*LinkMaker is a platform where local authorities upload details of children needing forever homes, and approved adopters can also create profiles. It allows you to search for children who might be a good fit for your family, and for local authority social workers to view your profile and see if you’ll be a match. If you’re approved to adopt, we’ll give you access and support you to use the platform as part of helping find the right child for you.