How do you know it’s the right time to adopt?

We know that lots of people are interested in adoption but aren’t sure when is the right time to start the process. To help you decide, we talked to parents who’ve adopted and experts from Barnardo’s and asked them how you can tell when it’s the right time to adopt.

There are some legal and practical requirements you need to start the process. Legally you must be over 21 years old. You also need to have at least one spare bedroom in your home that could become a child’s. We also advise that you are settled in your job, if you have one, and in a financially stable position. Jo-Ann Swanston-King, Barnardo’s UK Adoption Manager suggests that having some childcare experience, particularly with children who are not part of your family is also helpful. “It will put you in a good position to start thinking about the skills adoptive parents need”, says Jo-Ann. 

Are you emotionally ready to adopt? 

We know that starting a family can be daunting, however you do it. Becoming an adoptive parent means that you need to be prepared to go through an application process that can be emotionally challenging, as well as training to help you get ready.  

“The process itself was tough, there were numerous times I felt like we would never get there. The questions were in-depth and soul-searching. It did help prepare us though for conversations and viewpoints that Anya and I would never have discussed before the children came along. It helped us to be more united when the children did arrive”, says Rhea who, with wife Anya, adopted through us. Learn more about Anya and Rhea's experience of adoption.

You might also want to ensure that you’ve processed any difficult emotions before going through the process. Zoe and Cheryl were part way through their application when Zoe’s mum passed away. The team working with them insisted they take a three-month break. Cheryl says, “Initially Zoe was very resistant to this and wanted to continue but actually Barnardo’s were right, we did need that time.” Similarly, Debbie and her partner took time out after being approved as adopters to reconnect with each other. Once they were ready, they restarted and have since adopted a two-year-old girl.  

If you’ve previously tried and been unable to have a biological child, you may also need to take time to work through your feelings. After being unable to conceive Natalie allowed herself to spend time being upset before starting her adoption journey. “I had processed my feelings about not having a child naturally and was in a good place with it. Previous to that I had lots of bitter and jealous feelings about not being able to fall pregnant naturally. I found it hard to be around young children and pregnant women. I shared my feelings […] and let myself cry and be upset about it”. 

Do you have a good support network? 

You don’t need to be in a relationship to adopt, but if you are, it’s important that you are both equally committed to becoming adopted parents. Debbie says she and her partner knew they were ready to adopt because “we were strong and connected and felt like we wanted to start this journey together.” 

Rowan, who adopted as a single man, says he felt it was time to start his adoption journey when he moved from London back to Nottinghamshire to be closer to family. His advice to other adopters is to make sure that you have the right support network in place whether it’s for practical support such as helping with the shopping during the early days, or more emotional support.​​​​​ Read more about what it was like for Rowan to adopt as a single parent.  

Similarly, Louise, who adopted two children aged five and six, says it’s important to consider your relationship, friendships and wider support. “Are they strong enough to support you when you need it? It isn’t about just you being ready - you need people - your people! The people who will give you a hug when [the application process gets hard]; the people who will love your family and give you respite so you can focus on your self-care which is so, so important.” 

If you adopt through us, we’ll also be there to support you every step of the way, through the application, adoption process and in the years that follow. Many families need additional support and we have several services available to help as you and your child build your relationship.

What the professionals say 

“Adoption is a lifelong commitment so it’s not surprising most people find it difficult to know when it’s the right time to adopt”, says Jo-Ann, our UK Adoption Manager. If you’ve been thinking about adoption for some time and have done some research, she would recommend you contact a few different adoption agencies so you can gather information that will help you decide if you are ready to take the next step.  

Once you have found an agency you feel comfortable with, they will go through what you need to do to prepare yourself for adoption. Learning about what being an adoptive parent involves and understanding the needs of children who may have had difficult starts, and how you can meet those needs, is a bit part of preparing to adopt. Your agency will play a role in helping you understand when it’s the right time for you, as well as getting you ready for parenting through adoption. 

Adoption is a life changing experience and so you need to be ready for that big change by being settled in your relationship (if you have one), in your home, work and life. Judith advises being as prepared as possible by learning about the needs of children who need adopting, gaining as much experience with children as you can and being open to learning new ways to parent as these things will help you know when it’s the right time to start the adoption journey. 

What adopters say  

People who have adopted children echo Jo-Ann and Judith’s advice that the more you can learn about what to expect from adoption the better. “Go to the open evenings, speak to people, read about adoption. Learning and understanding more can only assist”, says Stephanie, who is about to go into the final stages of adoption. 

They also agree that it’s important that you feel comfortable with the agency you choose. Gemma and Ryan opted for us because of a family connection. “Ryan’s mum was a social worker, she did a lot in adoption and worked for Barnardo’s for a long time. She always said how good Barnardo’s was”, says Gemma. 

Once you’ve done these things it’s time to decide when to fully commit, however the advice from our adopters is that there’s no perfect time. 

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“It's most important that your head and your heart are there”, say Gemma and Ryan. “I don't think you can keep putting it off until everything's really perfect. I'm not sure it ever will be. So, unless there's something huge like you're about to move house or you're about to have a new kitchen or whatever. I feel like as long as you go with your head and your heart and you think, “Do you know what? Now is the right time and we can work around any little thing.” I think that's probably like the main thing.” 

It might never be the “perfect” time to adopt, but if you think you’re ready we’ll be there to support you every step of the way.