“She said my home had been her happy place”

Jane L has recently retired from a career in special needs education. She was a teacher and then educational psychologist. She’s been a short-term foster carer with us for 24 years alongside her education work.

Jane H has been fostering children for 33 years, and a short-term carer with us for the last 25 years. In that time, she’s cared for 52 children, nearly half of whom have had special educational needs. She started fostering when the youngest of her three children was nine and hasn’t stopped since. 

Previously known as respite care, this is where children and young people have a planned short stay away from their birth families or foster carers, with other experienced foster carers. It can be really helpful for families where a child has special educational needs and might need a higher level of care.

This is where foster carers like Jane L and Jane H come in. They give children the chance to have new experiences and develop relationships beyond their own home environment. Plus, they’re giving some parents or carers a chance to recharge their batteries and spend time with other children in their family.

These types of placements usually involve the same children staying on a regular basis. For example, Jane L’s current foster child has been staying with her for one weekend a month for eight years. He usually comes on Saturday morning, then she drops him off home on a Monday morning.

We help provide short break fostering placements in some parts of the UK. Find out what children near you need and how you could support them by speaking to your local fostering team.

When you’re looking after a child with SEN, Jane L says that you need to have an understanding of their needs so you know what sort of triggers might make life stressful for them. For example, what sort of environments they might find difficult or what might give them a sensory overload. “Whoever I've looked after I've always tried to take them out a lot – to the park or a friend’s house, on the bus or the train or the tram. Just making sure that they get the widest sort of the experience really. The young person I currently foster is on the autistic spectrum. That's slightly different because of the social challenges, so it's very much following what he enjoys and still being out and about.”

While Jane L has a background working in special education, Jane H didn’t before she started. “Occasionally I hear people say carers are angels, but we’re not, we’re just ordinary folk,” Jane H says.

Even though Jane L has a background in SEN, she has learnt a lot through fostering. “Each child had different needs and so it was just a big learning curve, but I found learning about their specific disability really fascinating - something that I really enjoyed”. She’s also taken advantage of the training courses we offer foster carers, “I’ve done quite specific training associated with the disabilities and learning difficulties of the of the children that I've looked after. So, for example, I've done courses on autism, on behavioural strategies, that sort of thing”.

When you foster with us you’ll have a social worker assigned to support you whenever you need it. We’ll also make sure you can access training to help you, because to support a foster child, you need to feel supported too. Jane H says, “The support I have had from Barnardo’s has always been excellent and helped me whenever I needed it. The role of the supervising social worker is crucial, and I have been very fortunate with Melissa* (her Barnardo’s social worker) who has been supporting me for many years. If she’s not available when I phone up, I am always asked if someone else can help.”

Jane L also has a dedicated social worker who is always on the end of the phone or email, so she can contact her if she needs any help or advice.

Both Jane H and Jane L have experienced an enormous amount of joy and satisfaction out of seeing the children they’ve looked after flourish.

Jane H cared for a child who suffered from anxiety and who didn’t want to leave the house when he first started his short breaks with her. “Over time he was able to overcome his anxiety enough to come bowling with me and two of my grandsons. This successful outing led to other trips like meals out and the cinema. I was so proud of him.”

Jane L’s first experience of fostering was looking after a two-year-old child with significant learning and physical difficulties, and no verbal communication. “He used to just laugh and laugh [at things I did]. That used to be really lovely, because you felt you'd actually made him happy although he wasn't able to express anything verbally, but you could just see by the reaction”. She feels that being given the opportunity to care for children like this is a special one. “I just feel it's a real privilege in the sense that somebody puts their trust in you to look after a child who's got very significant needs, really.  It’s a big thing to pass your child over to somebody else for them to look after”.

Both of them feel that they’ve been positively changed by their fostering experiences.

“Fostering has changed my life in just about every way possible,” says Jane H. She started fostering after her marriage ended when her youngest child was a toddler. “I found just getting through every day with my own three children a real challenge - if someone had told me that just seven years later I would start fostering – I would have thought that I’d be more likely to fly to the moon!” She hasn’t regretted that decision and thinks it’s enhanced her life. “It’s led to a significantly better understanding of people in general – not just children. I have learnt resilience, determination, patience, empathy. I think that I have probably learnt as much from the children as they have from me. I’d like to think that our shared experiences have contributed towards enriching the young peoples’ lives, in the way that it definitely has enriched mine!”.

Jane H still keeps in contact with a lot of the children she has looked after, and finds it really rewarding to see how they have developed. “I’m a steward at my local theatre and regularly see several of the young people that had short breaks with me when they come in, often with a local group for adults with learning disabilities. I am always greeted by them with enthusiasm, even though it is well over 20 years since they left my care.” During the first COVID lockdown she joined Facebook and her very first foster child, who she had provided respite care for 29 years earlier, got in touch to tell her that her home had been her “happy place”. Once restrictions lifted they met up and Jane describes it as a really special moment. Talking about meeting up with former children she’s looked after she says, “It’s really lovely to catch up with them, it’s like a prize pot that keeps on giving!”

We’ve been working to change childhoods and change lives for more than 150 years. So whatever question or situation you or your foster child have, we'll be right beside you. If you’ve got space in your home and heart to welcome a foster child in, whether it’s for a short or a long stay, then we’re here to support you, every step of the way.  

*Melissa is not her real name.